How To Communicate Compassionately

Humans are complicated, for parents, it's the biggest source of headache as children simply running around and do nothing from what parents want them to, well, let's take your breaths and make some reflections.

Tell Them Our Feelings & Needs
Children do not have as many vocabulary and experience as we do, so it's meaningless to communicate based on your precious experience.  All parents know this and therefore try to handle them by giving rewards only if they follow parents' order.  This surely works, but in short-term.  Any materialistic rewards have no limit. Then parents might try scaring children (if you don't do this, no dessert for you tonight!).  This must work too, but the method neither nurture nor give good lessons for children because all things here are materialistic rewards, and the structure is based on rewards and punishments.  Marshall Rosenberg calls it domination structure.

In domination structure, there is little creativity and freedom because there is only one-way communication  which clearly divide obey and disobey, superior and inferior.  What parents want to tell their children is not order but their wish for children to be happy, so first thing is to tell them so.  "I want you to be happy, so I feel assured if you brush your teeth, because it's important for your health." instead of saying "Brush your teeth otherwise you won't get your new toy."

Reward and Punishment is the most popular game, because it is so simple and tempting, if they obey, it'd be sweet.

Making Clear Request

So we all have some multiple choices in any occasion, even when we are pointed a gun to our head, we have choices, ultimately live or die. The choice is which everyone actually does everyday. When I wake up, I can choose if I want to live today or not, it's not a choice for multi-million-debtors although many people are not aware of the choices. Similarly, for example in workplace, we have choices as talking to colleagues who we are not getting along well with, such as directly talk to her about feeling, imply it, ask other colleagues about it, talk to boss and many others. I cannot say exact suggestions or answers because it is highly situational and it's all ourselves who make choices anyway.

But, wait, how about in highly impulsive situation? Like being gunned on head, urged by angry customers?  It might seem to be less choices as the situation is very compulsive, but there is a way.

Taking Responsibility to Our Feelings

For somebody it might sound ridiculous, hey we are not little children we can take care of our own feelings.  Yes most people normally can and do take responsibility on their feelings, but in the situation like I mentioned above? Less time to think, more urging people in front of us, oh well, I'm already in trouble as I think in this way. When we think we do not have much time, it's often not true.  Even friends or partners are emotionally unstable and keep talking to us, we have time and choices, in most case. For instance we might just leave the room and hold the conversation, and give ourselves time. Human emotional change so constantly, it's sometimes better have a little more time to talk to ourselves.

Mindfulness

There are many ways to improve our mindfulness.  I sometimes call mindfulness "mind-richness" because sometimes it makes more sense. If we become richer in our mind, more peaceful, happier and even wealthier than who we used to be. If you have read some books or articles about how Warren Buffet invests. you know how important mindfulness is. The book "Warren Buffet Invests Like A Girl", there is a clear distinction between generic female investors and male investors. Simply saying, female investors tend to make more money because they do not get hasted and lose temper, consequently less unnecessary investment. Imagine a few financial crisis happened recent years, lots of stock investors are panicked and were selling their stocks in bargain sale price, while Warren Buffet, he was silent and calm, and just observing the market in the manner with temper. This is actually an essential aspect for successful investors, to make long-term success, they need to master their temperament. They need to control themselves when most people are in panic because the best opportunity to buy is when people are selling.

Reference:
Speak Peace in the world of conflict - Marshall Rosenberg
Warren Buffet Invests Like A Girl -